Halfway down the Danube

My seventeenth minute of fame

Last week my friend Mike Loew at the Onion called and asked me, "Carlos, you have a nice suit, right?" This is the result. I'm meant to be the corpse of New Mexico governor Bill Richardson, who I guess I resemble a bit, maybe hungover with a good haircut a dozen years from now: We did not rent out the Ohio statehouse for the photo. I actually spent an hour face down on the hardwood floors of the Onion's Soho offices, thinking "what's my motivation?" until the left side of my lips fell asleep, pressed between the floor and my teeth. Comedy is hard.

It can only be attributable to human error

Do you remember the time you saw 2001 and you were so stoned that the ending not only made cosmic sense, but added visual texture to the next few weeks of your life? I don't either. I saw 2001 the way God intended, with a fast-forward button, sarcastic friends, and some beer. (OK, a lot of beer.) But I've always been a little bit envious of those freaky-deaky types who did end up tripping the light fantastic to one of Kubrick's dullest movies. Now, thanks to the miracle of children's television, I need envy no more! Oh the colors. The strange thing is, very young children *love* this. Giant fat-assed pastel schmoos dancing spastically to cut-rate techno. It's like a rave at a Shriner's convention. The evolutionary implications are highly disturbing.

The World and the Pope

For those who are interested, the German S�ddeutsche Zeitung has an interesting photo gallery of newspapers around the world reacting to the new pope. It's quite amusing even if you don't understand the German comments on the side. ("Nchstes Bild" means "next picture" - click here to take the tour.)