Don't cross the streams

Some maniac (Jervis Johnson) once decided that American football games set in the Warhammer universe would be a good idea. Thus, Blood Bowl. Some other maniac (Matt Forbeck) decided that stories set in the Blood Bowl universe would be a good idea. Thus:

Welcome to the world of Blood Bowl – football played fantasy-style, where teams can be human, orcs and ogres, and players are as likely to throw a goblin as a ball! These three stories follow the career of Paul Hornung Dunk Hoffnung, as he works his way up from unemployed adventurer to star player with the Green Bad Bay Packers Hackers.

And thus:

Dunk scanned the situation downfield. Most of his team-mates — the ones in the yellow and green uniforms with the three-sword H logos on their helmets — raced ahead of him, converging to a point, trying to form a protective wedge behind which he could run. Meanwhile, the pale skinned elves in the black and blue uniforms came charging up the field, seeking to find a way past the Hackers’ linemen so they could rip Dunk’s heart from his chest.

Dunk spun to the left and charged up behind his brother Dirk, pump faking a pass to the right. Only one of the Cowboys got fooled. He hesitated just long enough for Spinne to smash him to the ground, and then do a little dance on his helmet with her spiked shoes.

I am a little surprised it wasn't a flying wedge -- no worries about lethality. Those are the Dallas Darkside Cowboys, incidentally.

Where, you might ask, is Brett Favre? Well, in the Blood Bowl game, there's an ogre named Brick Far'th. But in the stories:

Dunk wanted to check on his friend, but he knew that if he stopped moving the Cowboys would pulverise him. So, he scanned the pitch and spotted the team captain, a dark-skinned legend by the name of Rhett Cavre, kicking over a defender and breaking away. Unfortunately, he had two other dark elves converging on him, and a toss in that direction would be a sure interception. Dunk cocked back his arm and hurled Towens’s [previously removed -- CY] head in the man’s direction, hoping it would buy them a few minutes.

Yes, Brett Favre is a dark elf in the Blood Bowl universe. There is sort of an on-going traffic accident in my head as I contemplate that, car after car rear-ending each other, pushing the mass of wreckage further into the intersection.

(Before anyone asks, the owner of the head's full name is Er-Rel Towens. In other news, Hell is full of Italians.)

Comments

[Noel Maurer]

Spinrad's "National Pastime."

The amazing thing about the story isn't the violence. (And, well, Blood Bowl has that beat to ... uh ... hell and back.) No, it's how Spinrad perfectly anticipated the marketing strategy that Major League Soccer would adopt a quarter-century later.

In a slightly more subdued form, of course.

[Carlos]

Hm. Spinrad had the Gay Bladers, the Black Panthers, the... [screw it, googles] the Hog Choppers, the Psychedelic Stompers, the Caballeros -- and why not the Latin Kings? -- and the Golden Supermen, who were the white supremacist team.

Obviously free agency is pointless in this league. Also, I'm intrigued by the idea of the Stompers' cheerleaders.

[The New York City High School Math Teacher]

Warhammer 30K and bloodbowl were the kind of intense, kinematic, sculptural war gaming I enjoyed far the corner of my eye, in another room, during the all-night Advanced Civilization marathons.

I don't think the Games Workshop gameplayers I knew could list the NFL teams. But they could paint lead miniatures.

[Sir Francis Burdett]

well on a rather more cheery note

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RqGQuRgjKeA

[Carlos]

... the sweet sculptural rhythms of Warhammer: Blood Bowl? Hm.

Frankie, I was on WLUK as a kid! (it was ABC then, not Fox.)

[Noel Maurer]

MLS has openly pitched teams at the major soccer-playing immigrant groups in each of it markets.

This strategy hit its limit when the league decided to move a team to Houston and name it the 1836, a pretty blatant attempt to capitalize on Anglo sentiment. I mean, it's not quite the "Golden Supermen," but it's not hard to read the code. The Mexican-American population of Houston, happy to be citizens of the United States, turned out to be equally happy that Texas was forced to remain United, and protests started by local elected officials soon nixed that.

But the New England Revolution openly markets itself to the Portuguese-Brazilian-Cape Verdean ... I guess "lusophone" is the right word ... communities here.

D.C. United, meanwhile, openly supports stadium barras straight outta Peru and Bolivia. (Although, well, I've seen the style in Argentina and Mexico.) The Chicago Fire made a similar play for Polish support. Toronto FC has tried and miserably failed to identify with the city's Caribbean community. (MLS has stated that Queens --- not "New York," Queens --- is slated for an expansion team. I figure they don't want the Canadians poaching the opportunity.)

And when L.A. Galaxy plays Chivas USA, well, we all know what that's all about.