Halfway down the Danube

Mummery!

Remarkably few people (okay, one person) wondered why Imperial Stormtroopers had occupied downtown Philadelphia.  So I'll tell you.  It was the Fancies of Mummers Day.

I'll turn the floor over to Amma.  "It's sort of a white people's Carnival.  And since it's cold, they can make more creative costumes because they don't have to be concerned with, you know, battling the heat with nakedness."  And to continue the parallel, the fancies are sort of like Carnival bands, kinda sorta not really, only that Mummers tend to be older and fatter as well as paler than your typical Carnival reveler.  Which makes it a good thing that they wear more clothes.

Boring serious grown-up types have asked me to put the rest of the revelry below the fold.

Support the Troops

Like you have a choice.

Day 26: Stupid sinus headache blogging

Cause, effect. I have hometown papers to keep myself occupied while I don't use the power drill on my forehead to relieve the pressure. (Anyway, I already have three stitches there from over the holiday. C'est la guerre.) Some headlines!

• Fond du Lac: Ex-car wash worker takes 70 pounds of quarters. Best part: he's 40.
  
• Hortonville students enjoy taxidermy class. "Elective allows students to use their imagination." Uh-huh.
  
• Combined Locks: Theft. A plastic pink elephant valued at $10 was stolen from a lawn at [location redacted; they have troubles enough].
  
• Merrill man sells rifles to buy turkeys for the needy. This one is serious. Excerpt below.

Democracy in America

This weekend I spent my afternoon canvassing for Barack Obama in the housing projects of New Hampshire.  I do that a lot of weekends, these days.

Yes, New Hampshire has projects.  While New Hampshire has a high median income, $57,352 in 2004 — £31,438 at 2004 exchange rates, compared with £24,302 for the rest of the U.S. of A. and £21,700 for England and Wales — the state still has lots of ordinary people. 

Now, we don’t knock on every door.  We’ve got a list of registered voters, and we only go to Democratic households.  The standard spiel is, “Hi there, we’re with Barack Obama, have you decided on a candidate yet?”  Beat … beat … then, regardless of the answers, “Well, what issues are most important to you?”  Followed by then the sales pitch.  Which can last for half-an-hour, if you hit if off with the person at the door. 

In New Hampshire, the pitch includes telling people when and where they can personally meet the candidate.  Now, I’m the first person to say that the American political system is entirely broken.  Congressional districts have metastasized into gerrymandered monstrosities of 700,000 people.  The Senate is a travesty by definition, and I wonder about my countrymen’s lack of outrage about its existence.  And we won’t mention the Electoral College — why should the switch of a few thousand votes in Ohio been enough to save the American people from the results of their own temporary insanity in 2004? 

But for all its faults, having the primary season kick off in places like New Hampshire is, quite simply, a Very Good Thing.  It brings a moment of sanity to a media-drenched political machine badly cobbled together to select a chief executive for a continental nation of 300 million people.  And I love it.

Day 15: Oh, gee

My computer is very very ill. [flips coin] Two pieces of New Yorkiana: The Return of Superfly, and a conversation thirty years after.

American moonbase: the modern US embassy

Man, I remember when Vanity Fair was a silly magazine, one part fashion and two parts pretentious culture.  Now... well, it's still a silly magazine, but about every third issue has a good-to-excellent article on politics or current affairs.

As with many oddities of contemporary American culture, this can probably be attributed to the aging of the Baby Boomers.  They're just too damn old to walk around with Rolling Stone magazine any more.  But Vanity Fair has ads for really expensive clothes inside, so it's OK.

Anyway.  This special bonus post was inspired by this recent VF article on the monster US embassy in Baghdad.  The story of that embassy is fascinating -- it's going to cost $600 million, will be the size of Vatican City, and will contain its own power generators, water wells, drinking-water treatment plant, sewage plant, fire station, Internet uplink, telephone center (Virginia area code), cell-phone network (New York area code), mail service, fuel depot, food and supply warehouses, vehicle-repair garage, swimming pool, movie theater, and food court -- but that wasn't the part of the article that really grabbed my attention.  No, I was fascinated by the discussion modern US embassies generally, and why they -- in a word -- suck. 

Long quotes below the fold.

Homesick, Stroszek

I felt terribly homesick for the motherland, Wisconsin, the other day. Fortunately, a filmmaker of genius went there when I was a wee lad, and recorded it for posterity.

In 1976, Werner Herzog decided to visit a small town called Plainfield in Wisconsin's Waushara county. He was smitten. It shows in the cinematography. This pond could have been across the road where I grew up. In fact, it's about thirty miles away.

The Pure Product of America: Plainfield? Isn't that where...

Yes. So what? Anyway, Herzog's car broke down, and a mechanic named Clayton Szalpinski fixed it. Herzog gave him the role of the American nephew in the film he was shooting, Stroszek. In fact, most of the non-Germans are locals. He wrote the script in four days.

Quick plot synopsis: three down on their luck Berliners -- a street musician, Bruno; a prostitute, Eva; and an elderly eccentric, Mr. Scheitz -- decide to move to Wisconsin. They live in a nice mobile home and drink Old Style and watch real football on the TV and hang out with deer hunters. But things go badly, the bills pile up, Eva hangs out at the truck stop and leaves for Vancouver. Their mobile home is auctioned off. Bruno and Mr. Scheitz try to rob a bank, but it's closed, so they go to the barbershop next door:

Memorial Day

Because I can't say it any better:

Copyright 2007 Trudeau

Memorial Day

Because I can't say it any better: Copyright 2007 Trudeau

Brief thoughts on the Tobias resignation

So USAID director Randall Tobias resigned suddenly yesterday.

For readers who don't follow American news or politics, Tobias was a pretty important figure. Not only was he director of USAID, but he was "Director of Foreign Assistance" -- a post created especially for him. He was supposed to be in charge of all US foreign aid, which is a huge portfolio... USAID is just the single biggest piece.

Tobias resigned after being linked to a DC-area prostitution ring. He first claimed that he used the $300/hour call girls for massages only -- no sex! He added, strangely enough, that he was using mostly Central American girls. Then, a day later, he just resigned.

The local USAID community was abuzz with the news today. It would be fair to say that a consensus opinion has emerged.

Brief thoughts on the Tobias resignation

So USAID director Randall Tobias resigned suddenly yesterday. For readers who don't follow American news or politics, Tobias was a pretty important figure. Not only was he director of USAID, but he was "Director of Foreign Assistance" -- a post created especially for him. He was supposed to be in charge of all US foreign aid, which is a huge portfolio... USAID is just the single biggest piece. Tobias resigned after being linked to a DC-area prostitution ring. He first claimed that he used the $300/hour call girls for massages only -- no sex! He added, strangely enough, that he was using mostly Central American girls. Then, a day later, he just resigned. The local USAID community was abuzz with the news today. It would be fair to say that a consensus opinion has emerged.

Intermarriage and tolerance

There's a quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that I've always liked.

One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid.

Me and Carlos, rotate that a hundred and thirty five degrees. We sometimes have conversations where we start talking past each other. Then I get to wondering, is he just three steps ahead of me and having trouble talking down to my level? Or is he assuming I'm keeping up, when I'm really not? Or is he saying something very clever, but not quite germane to my original point, because he's lost interest? Or is this one of those rare occasions when I'm right and he's wrong?

Well, I don't know. But we were talking about intermarriage.

I don't think postwar Yugoslavia is a good comparandum for the modern US. No. But I don't think it's a completely irrelevant comparison either.

Intermarriage and tolerance

There's a quote from The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy that I've always liked.

One of the major difficulties Trillian experienced in her relationship with Zaphod was learning to distinguish between him pretending to be stupid just to get people off their guard, pretending to be stupid because he couldn't be bothered to think and wanted someone else to do it for him, pretending to be outrageously stupid to hide the fact that he actually didn't understand what was going on, and really being genuinely stupid.

Me and Carlos, rotate that a hundred and thirty five degrees. We sometimes have conversations where we start talking past each other. Then I get to wondering, is he just three steps ahead of me and having trouble talking down to my level? Or is he assuming I'm keeping up, when I'm really not? Or is he saying something very clever, but not quite germane to my original point, because he's lost interest? Or is this one of those rare occasions when I'm right and he's wrong? Well, I don't know. But we were talking about intermarriage. I don't think postwar Yugoslavia is a good comparandum for the modern US. No. But I don't think it's a completely irrelevant comparison either.

Interlude, with Marines

I was at the US Embassy today. Had a few minutes to kill, and so got to chatting with one of the Marine guards.

We all know that US Embassies are guarded by Marines, yes? But I, for one, never gave much thought to the details.

It turns out there are a lot of details.

Interlude, with Marines

I was at the US Embassy today. Had a few minutes to kill, and so got to chatting with one of the Marine guards. We all know that US Embassies are guarded by Marines, yes? But I, for one, never gave much thought to the details. It turns out there are a lot of details.

Sanity returns to Wisconsin; cats become more insane

Following up on my previous post, we now have this news: Retired Farmer Agrees To Cancel Hitler Memorial, leaving many skinheads bereft of vacation plans in America's Dairyland.

The cats, of course, have taken up the slack.

But never fear! It can't happen here. It can't happen here. It can't happen here.

(Yes, that was a cheap shot. But I've been saving that photo for two freaking years, dammit.)

Sanity returns to Wisconsin; cats become more insane

Following up on my previous post, we now have this news: Retired Farmer Agrees To Cancel Hitler Memorial, leaving many skinheads bereft of vacation plans in America's Dairyland. The cats, of course, have taken up the slack. But never fear! It can't happen here. It can't happen here. It can't happen here. (Yes, that was a cheap shot. But I've been saving that photo for two freaking years, dammit.)

Too much sympathy for the devil in Wisconsin

"They said he was a racist. It's a lie. He advocated for, he was in favor of these people. He respected other races." (WARNING: NSFGermany.)

That's going to be one disturbing rummage sale when he kicks off.

Too much sympathy for the devil in Wisconsin

"They said he was a racist. It's a lie. He advocated for, he was in favor of these people. He respected other races." (WARNING: NSFGermany.) That's going to be one disturbing rummage sale when he kicks off.

Travel! See the world! And behave.

For years, many people in the world have had a great fondness for America. They have admired our culture, our products and our cheerful, fun-loving nature. In recent years, however, there has been a significant shift in those feelings. Research studies show that, for a number of reasons, "favorablility" ratings for America are declining around the world.
While it is true that the rise in negative feelings toward us may result from perceptions more than reality, it is also true that perceptions are powerful opinion makers. You, and the 55-60 million
other Americans who travel abroad each year, have a unique opportunity to change at least some impressions of us from negative to positive. By following the few simple suggestions in this guide, you can have a better travel experience while showing America’s best face to those you visit.

The World Citizens Guide

Travel! See the world! And behave.

For years, many people in the world have had a great fondness for America. They have admired our culture, our products and our cheerful, fun-loving nature. In recent years, however, there has been a significant shift in those feelings. Research studies show that, for a number of reasons, "favorablility" ratings for America are declining around the world. While it is true that the rise in negative feelings toward us may result from perceptions more than reality, it is also true that perceptions are powerful opinion makers. You, and the 55-60 million other Americans who travel abroad each year, have a unique opportunity to change at least some impressions of us from negative to positive. By following the few simple suggestions in this guide, you can have a better travel experience while showing America�s best face to those you visit.
The World Citizens Guide

At the White House Correspondents dinner

No no no, not me. But I have friends! The White House Correspondents' Association dinner is a big press shindig held in D.C. where journalists, Washington figures, and minor celebrities mingle, pretend to laugh, and swap respiratory viruses. Last year, the lead performer at the dinner was the comedian Cedric the Entertainer. God alone knows why. He managed to annoy Condoleezza Rice with his comedy routine, perhaps because they were two of the only black people in attendance. Paraphrasing: "At the White House, she's Condi. But when she gets home, she turns on Oprah and becomes Leeza." The reaction shot of Rice was classic; it looked like she just chugged an entire jar of pickle juice on a bet. Needless to say, Cedric the Entertainer was not back this year. This year... This year, the entertainer was Stephen Colbert. The American president was sitting maybe ten feet away. Links to footage here. (Claudia and Doug, now that you have DSL, you will want to learn about torrents. JLU, the new Doctor Who, fuBball, etc.) The technical comedy term is 'roasted'. You know, I felt a little pity for the man. He's never learned to deal with personal criticism very well, and is very easily wounded. But there's a line from Bujold: "Did you think you were dealing with amateurs?" I am so making Rich Dahm a pie.

At the White House Correspondents dinner

No no no, not me. But I have friends! The White House Correspondents' Association dinner is a big press shindig held in D.C. where journalists, Washington figures, and minor celebrities mingle, pretend to laugh, and swap respiratory viruses.

Last year, the lead performer at the dinner was the comedian Cedric the Entertainer. God alone knows why. He managed to annoy Condoleezza Rice with his comedy routine, perhaps because they were two of the only black people in attendance. Paraphrasing: "At the White House, she's Condi. But when she gets home, she turns on Oprah and becomes Leeza." The reaction shot of Rice was classic; it looked like she just chugged an entire jar of pickle juice on a bet.

Needless to say, Cedric the Entertainer was not back this year.

This year... This year, the entertainer was Stephen Colbert.

The American president was sitting maybe ten feet away.

Links to footage here. (Claudia and Doug, now that you have DSL, you will want to learn about torrents. JLU, the new Doctor Who, fuBball, etc.) The technical comedy term is 'roasted'.

You know, I felt a little pity for the man. He's never learned to deal with personal criticism very well, and is very easily wounded. But there's a line from Bujold: "Did you think you were dealing with amateurs?"

I am so making Rich Dahm a pie.

And then, Rita came

This is scary, on a personal level. Doug's mom is working for FEMA (and before you say anything, she's 74 years old and doing a hell of a job out there). She had been assigned to Beaumont, Texas. If you were listening to the news, you know that this is exactly where Rita is heading at the moment. So, she was evacuated yesterday -- to Lufkin, Texas. I'm hearing at lot about Lufkin at the moment, as that the shelters are closed down due to the masses of people pouring into the city. That there is no food, no gas. We can't reach her at the moment (which might be due to her volunteering and just not answering either of her cell phones). We think she has reached Lufkin in time. If you could spare a thought or two...

World dominance failed, again

This seems rather silly. Surely it's better to be a little hungry than risk foreign contamination. Who knows what the British pack into their army rations! It might be mince pies! Mint sauce! Baked beans! The horror! This piece of news is actually not all that new. Ten days ago, The Spiegel reported that German Care packages were turned back because it was feared that they were infected with Mad Cow Disease. [They saw through us. Darn. And we thought we had found a new way to world dominance!] There is only one fact that bugs me about this explanation. Those food rations are NATO certified Mad Cow Disease-free and, gasp!, are cleared for consumption by US army personnel, e.g. in Afghanistan. When Der Spiegel inquired, the US Embassy in Germany rather sheepishly declared that the ban on the NATO food rations would be lifted again. I'm watching this with bemused curiosity.

Mene, mene, tekel, upharsin

"I don't care if I get blamed for it," Gibson said, "as long as I saved my people."

Do you know what it means to miss New Orleans?

So Fats Domino and his family ended up staying with Louisiana State University's quarterback in Baton Rouge, along with twenty other people. Looka! has an ongoing update about New Orleans' musicians (scroll down a bit for today's update here). Antoinette K-Doe and Alex Chilton are still unaccounted for. The blog's proprietor, Chuck Taggart, is also the producer of "Doctors, Professors, Kings & Queens: The Big Ol� Box Of New Orleans", whose profits will be donated to the American Red Cross. (And hell, even if they weren't, it looks mighty tasty.) [Update September 7th: according to Looka! Alex Chilton and Antoinette K-Doe are alive and have been accounted for. Be of good cheer people of Google.] Anyway, here are two poems on Louisiana and football. Trust me, you'll like them:

A New York distraction

Yesterday I was walking through the completely unhip part of the Lower East Side of Manhattan, a neighborhood of immigrant and working-class apartment complexes, near the East River between the bridges, adjacent to Chinatown. There's a crowd of people standing next to an ambulance. Happens all the time in New York. I walk past them.

Fine lines

Meanwhile...

Source: Deutsche Welle Radio Online

I'm very torn on the issue of looting. If my kids were dying of thirst, I'd raid a supermarket for water any time. I might even take some candy bars, hygiene products, bleach, and batteries. But TVs, computers, Nike shoes and designer clothes are a different matter altogether.

Because that's what friends are for

The German government has offered help to the US. The German Red Cross and CARE Germany are collecting donations. Merck has pledged 2 million Euros in food and medical supplies. Germany doesn't stand alone. More than 20 countries, among them France, China and Russia, plus the NATO and the UN have offered help. They could supply doctors, boats, airplanes, tents, blankets and generators. Food. Water. Expertise. George Bush said thank you but no, thank you. The US are capable of dealing with this by themselves. What the hey? The need is very plain for all to see. The people are dying on the streets. Babies are dying in the Superdome. I'm sure the people don't really care which country the food comes from when it drops out of the sky. It's not dishonorable for the US government to accept help from its friends because that's what friends are for. So what if you had a spat before and disagree on certain issues. So what if you were drifting apart a bit. Big deal. It's obvious that help is needed, so help should be accepted. Think of your people first, George, and of your petty grudges later.

Qualis artifex pereo

From The Times of London:

By his own admission, things are going badly for Sheriff Harry Lee and his crisis management efforts. Outside his mobile headquarters truck, two officers grip a stepladder while a third stands on the top rung waving his mobile telephone in the air, searching for a signal. Inside Sheriff Lee, of Jefferson parish in New Orleans, is sitting at a table, fuming. He is doing his best to alleviate the biggest catastrophe he will ever witness, but lacks even the most basic of resources.

Some of HDTD's readers will know of my long-standing interest in the peculiarities of Southern politics, and will not be surprised that I actually have Harry Lee's biography. Like many Southern lawmen, he's been a little, um, controversial. Here's the official online version, and an article about the man. But man, is he pissed off now:

"It�s not getting better -- it�s getting worse," he says. "This is probably the largest national disaster in the history of the US and the co-ordination that should be in effect all these days after the event just isn�t happening. It�s lack of proper planning and lack of co-ordination. There are plenty of Indians, but no chiefs." "My chief deputy said some of the other deputies are quitting on us. They want to be with their families. Well, I want to be with my family too but you don�t quit in the middle of a crisis," he said. "My daughter rang me, crying. She said, �Daddy, can�t you leave?� I said �Yes, I can point my car west and step on the gas, but can I go and leave these people here? No, I cannot."

Meanwhile, Fats Domino is missing. Update: Fats Domino has been found, and my friend Dana's grandfather (who was in a New Orleans nursing home) has been found! They're both OK.

Ah, my people

Ah, Wisconsin. Where even the trolls are good-hearted. In adversity, we have something better than sang-froid. And although some things suck, we can be critical without being hateful (usually). Even our neighbors are decent. And let's not forget the bars! (Note: this is Diablo's link, fixed. I have not tried this recipe myself, nor this one, nor this one, nor this one. Although I've eaten plenty of versions of them.)

Stoop sales

Brooklyn has stoop sales. Some explanation. A 'stoop' is what New Yorkers call the assemblage of front steps leading to the front door of the row houses called 'brownstones'. Brownstones can range in quality from luxurious to tenement. Perhaps you remember the Guns 'n Roses song, "Mr. Brownstone"? That was the tenement kind. The word 'stoop' comes from the Dutch, one of the last remnants of the old patroon and Knickerbocker era of the city. Old New York was once Nieuw Amsterdam. Anyway. My neighborhood has brownstones ranging from 'renovated beyond the dreams of yuppie avarice' to 'hey, we get by, whaddaya'. But what they all have in common are stoop sales. Especially on a nice summer's day.

Swing low, sweet Cadillac

There's an ancient white Cadillac hearse/station wagon/ambulance parked in front of my building, complete with siren and curtained back seat/corpse depository/mobile emergency room unit. It's owned by a local animal control firm which uses it to advertise their trapping services (and to cart away the remains, I suppose). We're talking large mammals here, animals that one could theoretically use for their fur, like bears or Dalmatians. Not Mr. Mouse nor Ms. Roach. It's so cool! If there's ever another coyote outbreak in Brooklyn, I know where to go. The best part are the bumper stickers. But they will have to wait for the digital camera.

An on-going New York moment

There's a truck filled with explosives parked near the base of Trump Tower in New York City! But it's OK; it's clearly marked and there's a police presence around it. They're doing excavation blasting a block over. It's still a little unnerving. The truck itself seems to be an armored car, not very different from the ones used to pick up bank deposits, except that it's painted fire-engine red and is plastered with warnings. Would the armor help, in the event? I dunno. I don't think it's filled to the brim with explosives either. That would make a nice big hole. I guess my main worry is Stupid Taxi Tricks. Taxis make the impossible happen on a regular basis.

Morphine to the rescue?

I'm a German married to an American. You'd think that these two cultures are similar enough that we don't keep running into cultural misunderstandings or even problems. And the truth is, we don't - much. Whatever problems we have, we can usually solve without too much agony. This is not the case for our families, though. Some of those problems are funny or comical, most are simply annoying, a few are dead serious and have almost caused a rift. Politics and religion are now forbidden topics in the US family whenever I'm present. I think you can imagine why. Raising kids is another area of friction. It's amazing how much even modern concepts of childcare differ between Germany and the US. I would think the fact that both sides manage to raise their children without killing them off in large numbers indicates that there is more than one right way. A favorite is always health care. Long hospital stays after childbirth in Germany cause frowning in the US. Heh, we just believe that a woman should thoroughly recover after birth and get a few days to adjust and rest. It's not as if we restrain new mothers in their hospital beds. If they want to go, they can go. If they want to stay for some days, they can stay. I find this concept utterly convincing.