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May 30, 2006

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la_loca

you're talking a lot about mimes lately. are you not feeling heard, my angel? a garden of lipstick marks for you! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx!

Bernard Guerrero

Hmmn. American bear jokes....

Ok, so these two backpackers are on part of the Pacific Crest Trail (and a hidee-ho there to all the Muirs in the audience!) when, across a wide mountain meadow, they spot a grizzly bear. The bear, alas, also spots them, and starts charging across the meadow. The one backpacker says, "Well, we're toast." The second puts down his pack and starts rummaging through it.

Backpacker One: "What are you doing?"

Backpacker Two: "Looking for my running sneakers."

Backpacker One: "Running sneakers? You're not going to save yourself with a pair of New Balances! Those things can climb trees and they've been clocked at 40 miles an hour! You'll never outrun a grizzly!"

Backpacker Two (putting on sneakers): "I don't have to outrun the bear."

Thank you, thank you! I'll be hear all week, try the salmon!

Bernard Guerrero

Dammit, I did _not_ just type "hear" up there.

Carlos

Two bears walk into a bar. Bartender asks what'll they have. Hamm's. (It's always Hamm's.) They run up quite a tab. Bartime, they're asked to settle up. We can't, they reply. We're naked.

Noel

A bear is chasing a rabbit down for dinner. The rabbit charges into a clearing where a genie happens to be polishing his lamp.

"Stop you two!" yells the genie. "Jeez. OK, in the name of interspecies harmony, I'm going to grant the two of you three wishes. You can't wish each other any harm, of course."

The bear thinks a minute, and has a stroke of genius. "I wish that all the bears in this forest, apart from me, were female."

The rabbit asks for a crash helmet.

The bear goes up again. "Heck, I wish that all the other bears in the *world* were female."

The rabbit asks for a motorcycle.

The bear says, "Rabbit, you're an idiot. You could have just wished for money and bought a motorcycle!" Putting his claw to his nose, he says, "I wish for one million dollars."

The money appears in a big pile on the edge of the field. "Women, money, I'm set!" says the bear.

The genie looks over at the rabbit.

The rabbit grins, hops on the bike, guns the engine, and says, "I wish that bear was gay."

Dave MB

Before I went hiking in Glacier I was solemnly informed of the three principal safety rules for bear country:

1) Wear bear bells.

2) Carry pepper spray.

3) Keep on the lookout for bear sign. It can be recognized because it contains bear bells and smells like pepper spray.

There is also the field test to determine what type of bear is pursuing you. Climb a tree. If the bear comes up after you, it is a brown bear. If it knocks the tree over, it's a grizzly.

Carlos

Hm. I did not expect American readers to post bear jokes. I expected German readers to arise and post German jokes.

(Or defensive Brits to post, telling me that Stewart Lee is funny. Remember, extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof.)

Jokes from Germany... there's the famous one of asking a Berliner and a Viennese for directions.

Dennis Brennan

Never mind the stereotypes, repeat the instructions!

Dennis Brennan

Never mind the stereotypes, repeat the instructions!

Carlos

Which is odd, because I associate modern Berlin with cynical naturists.

Stefan

Just curious, since you're in Armenia, have you heard any "Radio Yerevan" jokes? There were very popular during communism in Romania and it turns out in Russia too.
For example:
Q: What can a 75 old citizen do to become powerful and loved again?
A: Nothing, comrade Khrushchev...

Or:

A soviet listener is asking us if it is true that after Chernobyl nuclear accident, people lost their teeth.
Our answer is yes, but only those who couldn’t keep their mouth shut.

Carlos

I don't know about Doug, but I have a collection of Radio Yerevan jokes somewhere.

Renee

There are lots of good ones--

Regarding (political) postage stamps, a listener asks: Why won't they stick to the envelopes? The answer is that you need to be sure to spit on the correct side....

Nice PCT/bear joke, by the way.

Dana

how about this article in NYT?

Dana

"It's Springtime for Soccer, and for Rowdy England Fans" LONDON, June 1 — They have been warned, as always, not to rampage through the streets, destroying things and attacking people. But as England's soccer fans prepare to visit Germany for the World Cup this month, another item has been added to their long "verboten" list: Don't mention the war.

Kit

Oh, The Aristocrats! I have some seriously mixed emotions about that one. Language barrier? Cultural barrier? Don't know, but I barely smiled a couple of times.

Did anyone seen the movie? Did it make you laugh hysterically?

Carlos

Disclaimer: I had friends in the movie. I'm glad it was made. The joke itself, not so funny. But it got a good burial.

Also, I heart Sarah Silverman.

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