"There are souls who only brush the earth." Benjamin Muir was born on August 17, 2004 after six hours of labor, in the same hospital in which his older brothers were born. He was supposed to be a winter baby. He was awaited, with joy and trepidation -- three kids? How can we manage that? We arranged our lives around him. We bought a bigger car, so we could drive him and his brothers around in their children's seats. We delayed an impending move, discussed names, bought tiny little socks for him. Alan learned not to jump on Mommy's belly because of the baby inside. Nothing prepared us for that one ultrasound in August. Where we looked for movements and somersaults, there were none. Where we looked for a fluttering, beating heart - silence. We don't know what went wrong. A problem with the chromosomes? A virus that got past the placenta? Something subtle and biochemical? By the time we found out, it was too late to tell. We'll never know. At 18 weeks, Benjamin was just under the official line that separates miscarriage from stillbirth. We have not found this a very useful distinction. We miss him terribly. His funeral is on Friday, September 10, at 2 pm in Schweinfurt.